BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Cheers To Whatever

If alcohol damages your short term memory... Short term memory. Just imagine what alcohol can do.

Alcohol Memory Drinking+2

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Class Of North Pole

What do elves learn in school? The ELF-ABET!

School Alphabet Christmas+1

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Zoo Wisdom

Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers!

Animals Nature

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Husband Of The Year

Every wife should understand one thing: A dinner will taste better if she cooks it less frequently.

Wife Cooking Marriage+1

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Quiet Neighborhood

My roommate says our house is haunted. I've been living here for 300 years and I haven't noticed shit.

House Ghost Home

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Math Major Energy

Ever since I took geometry at school, my life has turned around 360 degrees.

School Math Life

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Unwinnable Quiz

No man has ever won a game of "Notice anything different about me?"

Women Relationship Haircut

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Same Lighter Different Habit

Marriage and smoking are similar. You start because you want to and you continue because you have to.

Marriage Commitment Relationship

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Driveway Economics

A yard sale: "A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist."

Money Shopping Garage

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The Safest Pickup Line

If I asked you to go out with me, would your answer be the same as your answer to this question?

Dating Paradox Women+3

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Tight Budget Window

I have all the money I'll ever need if I die by 4:00 p.m. today

Money Retirement Finance+2

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Logic Eats Itself

All generalizations are wrong, including this one!

Logic Paradox Philosophy+1

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Billable Loitering

I don't work here. I'm a consultant

Work Career Job+1

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Promotion Mechanics

The secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.

Success Blame Failure+2

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Decorated And Marinated

The soldier who survived mustard-gas and pepper-spray is now a seasoned veteran

Cooking

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Symmetrical Panic

Aibohphobia is the irrational fear of palindromes.

Phobia Words Language+1

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Two Wheels One Chuckle

What do you call a laughing motorcycle? Yamahahaha!!!

Pun

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Procedural Marital Combat

My wife and I had a two-hour fight about whether or not we were fighting.

Marriage Wife Fight+2

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Underwater Philosophy

Do fish get thirsty?

Fish Water Philosophy+1

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Second Opinion Required

What's a good sign that you're going insane? I'm asking for an imaginary friend?

Insanity Mental

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Dad Said So

It's gonna be ok.

Optimism Dad

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Bug Math Class

Do ten millipede equal one centipede?

Math Insects

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Half The Album

I grew up so poor we could only listen to Simon or Garfunkel.

Music Childhood

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The One-Way Trip

What goes up and never comes down? Your age!

Age Aging Birthday+1

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