BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Two Temperatures Only

A person has to have a warm heart and a cold beer.

Beer Heart Wisdom+2

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Etymology Hour

T-shirt is short for tyrannosaurus shirt. It's because of the small arms.

Dinosaur Clothes Fashion

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Sibling Logistics

Please go play with your brother. That's basically why we had him.

Family Kids Parenting

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Conversational Asymmetry

Funny how they say we need to talk... when they really mean you need to listen.

Communication Relationship Marriage

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Home Audience Behavior

If a mother is laughing at the father's jokes, it means they have guests.

Father Family Jokes

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Definitional Loophole

I'm retired in the sense that I was tired yesterday and I am tired again today.

Retirement Tired Work+2

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Schrodingers RSVP

I want to be invited but I don't want to go!

Party

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Hard-Earned Sandwich Rule

Never trust a dog to watch your food.

Dog Food Pets+2

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Lather Rinse Repent

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now.

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Pick Your Skirmishes

Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

Wisdom Advice Conflict+1

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Royal Sleeping Arrangements

I sleep in a castle every two weeks. It's my fort night.

Sleep Calendar

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Confidence In Quitting

I bet you I could stop gambling.

Money Finance

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Logic After One Beer

If I'm a nobody, and nobody is perfect, does that mean I'm perfect?

Logic Philosophy

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Cancel The Uber

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

Time Travel Patience+1

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Compliment With Asterisks

I like you. You remind me when I was young and stupid.

Youth Wisdom Roast+2

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Logic Trap In Aisle Six

If anything is possible, is it possible for something to be impossible?

Paradox Philosophy Logic+1

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Filter Sold Separately

Wise people think all they say, fools say all they think.

Wisdom Fools Speech+2

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Houston We Owe One

NASA is launching a satellite to say sorry to aliens. They’re calling it the Apollo-G. 🚀👽🛰️

Aliens Space Apology

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Strong Opinions In The Yard

Green is my all time favorite color. I love it even more than blue and yellow combined.

Color Lawn

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Cute Try Champ

You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white.

Age Old Kids+1

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Deep Cut Menu

What do sea monsters eat for lunch? Fish and ships.

Fish Ocean Food

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Brain Knot Untied

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?

Paradox Philosophy Logic+1

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Structural Concerns

What kind of pillar is very bad at holding up a building? A caterpillar.

Construction

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Mirror Image Diet

Stressed is just desserts spelled backwards.

Dessert Backwards Food+1

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