BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Cornered At The Grill

Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up. Are they looking for ideas?

Kids Career Ideas

🙄0😂0

Cover Your Tracks

Oops! Dialed 911 by mistake, so I lit a small fire... just to save face!

Panic

🙄0😂0

Orchard Math

How many apples grow on an apple tree? All of them. All apples grow on an apple tree.

Fruit Math Logic

🙄0😂0

Frequent Flyer Miles

Philosophers don't get lost in thought... they are familiar with the terrain!

Philosophy Thinking Brain

🙄0😂0

Shades Of Controversy

Half my friends love my new sunglasses, the other half hate them. They're really polarizing...

Glasses Friends Fashion

🙄0😂0

Cocky At The Bar

Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.

Dating Flirting Romance+1

🙄0😂0

Receipts Required

I may love to shop but I'm not buying your bullshit!

Shopping Money Sales

🙄0😂0

Marketing Yourself Up

No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves.

Love Marriage Women+2

🙄0😂0

Schoolyard Grammar Crisis

Education is important, beer is importanter.

Beer Education School+2

🙄0😂0

Bulletproof By Default

If what you don’t know can’t hurt you... I AM... INVULNERABLE.

Knowledge Philosophy Self

🙄0😂0

Acoustic Engineering Question

If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear it... is he still wrong?

Marriage Wife Argument+1

🙄0😂0

Loyalty by Ultimatum

How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me...

Work Job Career

🙄0😂0

Stapled to a Telephone Pole

I used to be in a band. We were called Lost Dog. You probably saw our posters.

Music Dog

🙄0😂0

Identify Them Immediately

Anyone saying good morning on a Monday is a sociopath.

Monday Morning Work+1

🙄0😂0

Curated Without Consent

My neighbours are listening to great music, whether they like it or not.

Music Loud Garage

🙄0😂0

Dairy Aisle Disaster

What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.

Cow Animals Farm

🙄0😂0

Math According to Dad

The first five days after the weekend are the hardest.

Weekend Monday Work+1

🙄0😂0

Negative Progress Report

I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. Only 13 more to go.

Weight Diet Goals

🙄0😂0

Two Bad Bets

Women marry hoping he'll change... Men marry believing she won't... Both are wrong!!!

Marriage Wife Husband+1

🙄0😂0

Tonight at Eleven

If you don't like the news, go out and make some!

News Life

🙄0😂0

The Beautiful Loop

I work to buy a car to go to work.

Work Car Money+2

🙄0😂0

Aisle Five Mystery

I've always wondered how much a zebra would cost if you scanned it...

Shopping

🙄0😂0

The Lab Coat Reframe

The scientist is not a person who gives the right answers, he's one who asks the right questions!

Questions Curiosity Wisdom+1

🙄0😂0

Bees Win This Round

No Mow May! We're rooting for you. Lettuce grow!

Lawn Garden

🙄0😂0