BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Bring The Extension Cord

They say 'Don't try this at home' so I'm coming over to your house to try it...

Mischief Rules House

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Senior Discount On Crime

Don't mess with old people. Life sentences don't scare them anymore...

Aging

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Dairy Backwards Day

What type of cheese is made backward? Edam.

Cheese Dairy Backwards

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Filter Installed Late

It's so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then... don't say it!

Wisdom Silence Self+1

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Settled Long Ago

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always!

Marriage Wife Arguments+2

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Spice Rack Commute

Engineers have made a car that can run on mint. Hopefully, they'll soon make buses and trains run on thyme.

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Kitchen Grammar Crisis

Why do we bake cookies and cook bacon?

Cooking English

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Crime of Doing Nothing

I don't understand why people hate lazy people. They didn't do anything.

Lazy Laziness People+2

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Deep End of the Pool

Truth is... there are more planes in the ocean than boats in the sky…

Ocean Truth

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Recalibrated, Still Undefeated

My opinions may have changed but not the fact that I am right.

Stubborn Ego Confidence

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River Knew First

During spawning, salmon stop eating and expend all their energy, causing their bodies to deteriorate and making them look like they’re 'rotting alive'

Nature Fish River+1

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Streak Officially Intact

I have only been wrong once in my entire life. It was when I thought I was wrong but turned out I was right.

Ego Confidence Logic

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New Default Setting

Being 'tired' has stopped being just a temporary state for me. It's practically become part of my personality now.

Tired Aging Lawn

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Numbers Under Oath

42% of statistics are made up!

Statistics Numbers Math+1

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Knock On That

It's bad luck to be superstitious!

Irony Logic Beliefs

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Menu Choices, Reviewed

What do you get when you eat uranium? Atomic ache.

Science Chemistry Food+1

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Rough Shift Downtown

Today was a terrible day... my ex got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

Job Work

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Old Proverb New Math

Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.

Money Power Wisdom

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Pouring Lessons By The Grill

You need a nice and thick head of foam, it enhances the aroma and flavor! Plus, it protects the beer from oxidation, keeping it fresh longer!

Beer Drinks

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Mouthful Of Syllables

A word starting with 'S' and ending with 'T'? As a sesquipedalianist, my chosen word won't be 'short'…

Vocabulary Words Language+1

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The Universal Job Site Rule

Meskimen's Law: "There is never time to do it right, but there is always time to do it over."

Work Mistakes Wisdom

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From The Recliner

Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it.

Life Philosophy Wisdom+1

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My Position Has Not Changed

Just because I don't care doesn't mean I don't understand.

Attitude Sarcasm

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Miranda For The Group Chat

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Silence Police Speech

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