BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Physics For Free

It's not the fall that kills you... It's the sudden stop at the end.

Gravity Physics Mortality

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Committee Of One

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ideas Mind Creativity+1

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Tomorrow Sounds Better

A procrastinator's work is never done.

Procrastination Work Lazy+2

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Razor Sharp Theory

Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity.

Wisdom People

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Bright Side Only

Alzheimer's can't be that bad, you get to meet new people every day.

Optimism Memory Aging

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Distance Makes The Plan

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

Future Planning Optimism+2

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Just Because Theyre Quiet

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't after you.

Strategy Success

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Wished On The Wrong Star

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been specific.

Ambition Goals Money

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Negotiated Disappearance

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

Sarcasm Goodbye Family

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Trick Question Champion

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? All of them! Skyscrapers can't jump!

Animals Riddle Trivia

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Rule One Of Engagement

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after is the beginning of a new argument.

Argument Marriage Relationship+2

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Neighborhood Watch Activated

If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know.

Detective

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Asking For A Friend

I wonder what color do Smurfs turn when you choke them…

Color Curiosity Absurd

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Animal Kingdom Review

It doesn't bother me when people won't talk to me, when a dog won't let me pet it, that really stings.

Animals Pets

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Recliner Philosophy Hour

Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

Worry Anxiety Optimism+2

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Sunrise Operations Report

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Morning Work Mistakes+1

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Aluminum Career Advice

Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.

Job Work

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Documented Use Of A Helmet

Why did the dad roll down the hill in a tractor tire? Because it was a wheel-y good idea!

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Root Cause Analysis

What's the leading cause of divorce? Marriage.

Divorce Marriage Relationships+1

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Self-Report From The Defendant

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think…

Brains Women Men+1

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Mandatory Birthday Safety Briefing

The older you get, the more you need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.

Birthday Candles Aging

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Witness For The Prosecution

Childhood is like being drunk, everyone remembers what you did, except you.

Childhood Memory Drinking+2

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Eulogy at the Diner

He died last Fryday. Don't worry, he wasn't beaten and went over easy. Now he's sunny side up and in a much better plate. He will be missed, an eggceptional friend.

Breakfast Friend Goodbye

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Cosmic Doomsday Drill

The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years. And you sit there... acting like everything is fine!

Procrastination Panic

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