BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Wedding Toast Edition

Love one another! If it doesn't work, just interchange the last two words.

Love Marriage Relationship+2

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Hospital Records, Champ

Were any famous men born on your birthday? No, only little babies.

Birthday Kids Family

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Locksmith Logic

People say money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you had enough money, you can have a key made.

Money Happiness Wealth+2

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Geometrically Speaking

I'm in shape... Round is a shape, isn't it?

Fitness Exercise Lazy+1

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Decade Of Disposition

I'm not crazy. I've just been in a bad mood for the last ten years.

Mood Attitude Aging+1

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Audit-Proof Effort

Always give 100% at work: 17% Monday, 28% Tuesday, 8% Wednesday, 24% Thursday, 23% Friday

Work Monday Effort+1

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Confidence Is A Speed

When you don't know what you are doing... It's best to do it quickly.

Confidence Work Mistakes+1

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Tuition By Combustion

There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.

Fatherhood Parenting Kids+2

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Bill Shock Specialist

When I was young, I was afraid of the dark. Now when I get my electricity bill, I am afraid of the light.

Bill Money Childhood+1

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Romance Without The Romance

Having teenagers is just paying for a bunch of dates that you don't get to go on.

Parenting Dating Kids+1

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Sunrise Is A Rumor

I could be a morning person... if morning started around noon.

Morning Sleep Lazy

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Diagnosis From The Garage

80% of the brain is fluid. Unfortunately in your case, it’s brake fluid.

Brain Insult Roast

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Wisdom For Cheap

So many scams on the internet... but for $19.95 I can show you how to avoid them!!!

Internet Money Sales

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Patience Is A Pillow

I finally got eight hours sleep. Took me four days but whatever.

Sleep Tired Rest+1

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Suspiciously Relaxed

If you remain calm while everything around you is in chaos, you likely haven’t fully grasped the situation.

Awareness Panic Wisdom

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Steaming At The Bakery

I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

Birthday Candles Frustration

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Productivity Hack

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!

Coffee Caffeine Mistakes+1

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Delayed Reaction Champion

He who laughs last, thinks slowest!

Laugh Slow Timing+1

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Plot Holes Everywhere

The Difference Between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Reality Writing Books+1

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Trophy Shelf Is A Myth

There are no winners in life. Nope… Only survivors.

Life Philosophy

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Big Teeth Travel Light

Where do sharks go in summer vacation? Finland!

Vacation Travel Geography+1

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Lincoln Probably Said It

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.

Silence Wisdom Fools

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Ask My Knees

Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

Memory Aging Life+1

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Grill Master Disclaimer

Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Food Health Cooking+1

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