BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

Couch Inventor Theory

Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.

Laziness Work Invention

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Cosmic Customer Service

God created all of this just to have a special relationship with me... sure…

Religion Philosophy Humility+1

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Pre Beard Era

"How old was I in 2007?", "Ah. 2007. I was young and full of dreams, not quite fossilized yet!"

Aging Memory Dreams+2

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Bakery Mathematics

"What is the value of pi?", "Depending on what pie. Usually 12.99$."

Pi Math

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Shovel Down, Champ

If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Wisdom Mistakes Advice

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Suburban Treaty Negotiations

Before I buy a leaf blower I want to make sure I understand the rules. We just blow the leaves at each other's houses, right?

Neighbors

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Reception With Benefits

Wedding, an expensive way to get laundry done for free.

Wedding Marriage Money+1

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Calendar Loopholes

I only drink on days beginning with 'T' - Tuesday, Thursday, Today, and Tomorrow.

Drinking Week Calendar

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Diner Logic Hours

"Black coffee. No cream, please.", "Sir, we ran out of cream. Can I make it with no milk instead?"

Coffee Logic Breakfast

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Pasture Performance Issues

Every time I tell a funny cow joke, I butcher it.

Cow Cows Jokes+1

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PR For Lunch

People are a lot less judgy when you say you ate an avocado salad instead of a bowl of guacamole.

Salad Food

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Big Spender Update

I don't usually brag about my expensive trips... but I just got home from the grocery store!

Shopping Money

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Optometry Saved Me

It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look!

Love Romance Dating+1

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Corner Office Material

To err is human. To blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

Management Blame Work+2

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Just Give Me A Shot

All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy.

Money Wealth Happiness+1

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The Real Office Skill

It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.

Work Career Office+2

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Class Royalty

What's the king of school supplies? The ruler.

School

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Sniper Of Vibes

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and whatever you hit is the target.

Strategy Planning Philosophy

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Tomorrow Sounds Promising

A procrastinator's work is never done.

Procrastination Work Lazy

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Stack Em High Reverently

If my body is a temple, then... eating pancakes is a form of prayer.

Food Breakfast

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Call An Electrician

How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None. It's a hardware problem.

Lightbulb Computer Tech

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Reaching The Wrong Direction

Women who seek to be equal to men... lack ambition!

Women Ambition

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Dawn Chorus, Domestic Edition

I love waking up to the sound of birds arguing with their spouses.

Birds Morning Nature+1

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History on a Napkin

A long time ago we had empires run by emperors. We then had kingdoms run by kings. Now we have countries.

History Government

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