BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

The Family Discount

If I had a dollar for every woman who called me handsome... I'd have 1 dollar. Thanks, Grandma!

Family Money

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Tuition Hall of Fame

To be old and wise, you must first be young and stupid.

Wisdom Youth Age+2

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Classified Information Wanted

I wish my wife was one of those secret agents who can't spill a word about their day at work!

Wife Marriage Talking+1

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Florist Disaster Special

What kind of flowers do you never give on Valentine's Day???? Cauliflowers!

Romance

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Altitude Insomnia

What do you call a mountain where people never sleep? Mt Neverest!

Sleep Insomnia

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Catch of the Day

What kind of fish can't swim? A dead one.

Fish Fishing Water

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Library Card Regrets

I just read a book about Stockholm Syndrome. It started out awful, but by the end I loved it.

Book Reading

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Low Bar Romance

A man's idea of serious commitment is usually, 'Oh alright, I'll stay for the night.'

Men Commitment Relationship+1

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Abs of Pixels

I’ve decided to stop exercising and just learn ChatGPT. It can generate abs much faster than I can.

Exercise Fitness Laziness+1

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Holiday Math, Honey Edition

My wife set a limit of how much we can spend on each other for Christmas. It's $9.99 on me and $999 on her.

Christmas Wife Budget+2

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Barnyard Genetics 101

If you cross an owl and a rooster, do you get a cock that stays up all night?

Owl Animals Farm

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Couch Wisdom Hours

The real rich is the one who can enjoy the cheapest things like a good laugh...or a penny!

Money Rich Laugh+1

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The Scorecard Speaks

Men and women were created equal... but women continued to improve.

Women Men Selfdeprecating+1

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Tenth Grade Vindication

Why were the Middle Ages called Dark Ages? Because there were too many knights.

History School

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Quick Pivot, Hold The Tears

Did I say feelings? I meant... uhhh... sandwiches. I have sandwiches for you.

Feelings Awkward Fatherhood

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Civics For The Cul-De-Sac

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig? The letter F.

Politics Government Letters

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Counting Lessons

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Drinking Counting Alcohol

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Keyboard Warrior, Dad Edition

Why did the Dad become a programmer? Because he wanted to C more!

Coding Dad Language+1

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Math Class for Believers

Number of unicorns + 5 = 5, unicorns they don't exist

Math Equation Zero

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Spelled Like That on Purpose

English is weird. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.

English Language Grammar+2

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Time Management Genius

I always arrive late at the office but I make up for it by leaving early.

Office Work Job+2

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Asking For a Friend

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.

Women Dating Marriage

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The Retirement Plan

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.

Money Budget Retirement+1

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Sounds Like a Crisis

Scientists are concerned the legalization of marijuana may result in an entire nation of overly friendly and polite people.

Scientists Politics Neighbors

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