BROWSE DAD JOKES

904 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Money Work Wisdom Food Marriage Life Math Animals Aging Time Wife Family Philosophy Relationship Drinking Kids Career Music School Job

A Bouncing Classic

When do people start using their trampoline? Spring-time.

Seasons Kids

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FUN FACT, Allegedly

FUN FACT! When pythons hatch, the European species measure 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197 cm. Their American cousins are much bigger, with 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197 inches

Pi Math Numbers

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Back When It Fit

Remember? Those were the days when you could download the Internet in a single CD!

Internet Nostalgia Technology+1

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Periodic Table of Heroes

Iron Man is so confusing. Sure, he's a dude, but... He might as well be a Fe Male!

Chemistry Science

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Two Fisted Wisdom

What's a man's balanced diet? A beer in each hand!

Beer Diet Drinking+2

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Snack-Based Conflict Resolution

Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.

Food Eating Snacks+1

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Optimist At Altitude

If your parachute won't open. It's okay. You have the rest of your life to fix it.

Parachute Skydiving Optimism+2

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Career Counseling Hour

See that shadow on the wall? It's brighter than your future.

Future Roast Career+2

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Lying Bathroom Floor

You know you're fat when you step on the scale it says 'One at a time please'

Weight Selfdeprecating Health

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Loan Officer Logic

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.

Money Finance Irony

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Hive Mind Hustle

What do bees do with their honey? They cell it.

Bees Work Pun

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Old Arcade Reference

What do you get when a fly is buzzing inside a blonde's head? A space invader!

Silly Absurd

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Two Beers Deep

Rap is to music what an Etch-A-Sketch is to art.

Music Art Generation+1

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Caffeinated Gloom

I just downed an energy drink and I'm still depressed, but now with a lot more enthusiasm.

Energy Mood Caffeine+1

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Translation Services

The best thing about women is how they can tell you what you really meant to say.

Women Wife Marriage+2

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Suspicious Jawline

Tarzan doesn't have a beard, yet he's lived in the jungle for over 30 years.

Jungle Observation

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Naming Rights

If I discovered a new animal, I'd call it a Quorn! Just to mess with vegetarians.

Animal Vegetarian Food

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The Boardroom In Your Head

We suffer more often in imagination than in reality.

Worry Imagination Reality+2

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Oscar Worthy Indifference

Think I'm sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!

Sarcasm Attitude Mood

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Three Quarters Lucky

A storm blew away only 25% of my roof last night. OOF!

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Cold Open

If you are having a blind date on a glacier, don't break the ice.

Dating Romance Awkward

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Alphabet Math

What is a zebra? 26 sizes larger than an A' bra.

Alphabet Animal Letters

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Possessed Hardware

My keyboard is missing a key. I lost CTRL.

Keyboard Computer Tech

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Family Checkup

My doctor asked if anyone in my family struggles with mental illness. I replied, 'Nope, we all seem to thrive on it!'

Family Doctor Mental+1

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