BROWSE DAD JOKES

150 jokes and counting — enough to last a lifetime of car rides.

All Wordplay Sarcasm Relationships Food Irony Philosophy Life Animals Technology Communication Marriage Money Motivation Drinks Satire Health Work Dark Humor Lifestyle Intelligence

Weight Loss on Mars

Weigh 200 pounds on Earth? On Mars, you'd be a svelte 76 pounds. You're not fat, you're just on the wrong planet!

Fitness Space Science+1

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Smart Blonde

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

Dogs Wordplay Animals

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The True Meaning of Happiness

I never understood the true meaning of happiness until I got married... But by then, it was already too late.

Marriage Happiness Irony+1

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New Mistakes Philosophy

It's useless to undo a mistake. Focus on making new ones.

Mistakes Life School+2

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Longevity Burden

If I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, I may live long enough to be a real burden to my loved ones. Please, pass me the wine.

Family Drinks Irony+2

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Fungus Amungus

Ho! Look! There’s a fungus amungus!!

Wordplay Nature Sarcasm

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Lion's Wings

What do an eagle and a lion have in common? They both have wings, except for the lion.

Lion Wordplay Animals+1

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Mud Wrestling Wisdom

Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it.

Farm Wordplay Animals

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Never Give Up

It's not over until it's over!

Motivation Expression Life+1

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Pill Paradox

I went to the doctor, and he said I'd need to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. But he only gave me 4 pills???

Wordplay Health Life+1

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Love or Money?

Would you have married me if I didn't inherit a fortune from my father? Honey, I would have married you no matter who left you a fortune.

Wordplay Marriage Relationships+1

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Life Needs a Ctrl+Z

The toughest thing about being human? Realizing you have no 'Ctrl+Z' for life's mistakes

Life Technology Mistakes+2

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Hardworking Hen

Why are chickens considered good employees? Because they work around the cluck.

Animals Farm Work+1

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Fly in the Soup Dilemma

Waiter, there's a fly in my soup! Impossible! We used them all in the raisin bread...

Food Insects Wordplay

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Dyslexic devil deal

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He accidentally sold his soul to Santa!

Wordplay Dyslexia Christmas

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A fungi-tastic friend

I’m a fungi you can count on

Wordplay Nature Friendship

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Dino Space Fail

THE DINOSAURS BECAME EXTINCT BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE A SPACE PROGRAM

Dinosaurs Space Extinction+2

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Selective Extrovert

I’m totally an introvert... until I’m not! It’s not that I’m scared of people! I’m just selectively extroverted!

Personality Social

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Asteroid Excuse

Been waiting for the asteroid all day... just to get out of preparing that Monday morning team briefing.

Work Procrastination Monday+1

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Tomato Wisdom

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad!

Fruit Philosophy Wordplay

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Muffin Madness

Wow, it’s really hot in here! Whoa! A talking muffin?

Communication Wordplay Food+1

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Bouquet Toss 2.0

AT MY FUNERAL, SOMEONE SHOULD TAKE THE BOUQUET OFF MY CASKET AND THROW IT IN THE CROWD TO SEE WHO IS NEXT.

Dark Humor

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Calorie Counting Crisis

Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet! As long as I don't eat anything else today and tomorrow.

Fitness Food Pizza

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The Costly Cart

Most expensive vehicle to operate in 2024-2025

Shopping Money

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